i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
