It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
