dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
