Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
