i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
