I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
