Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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