I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
