babies were throwing up all over the place
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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