I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
