I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize