youre lurking in front of me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
