I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
