You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
