Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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