at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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