Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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