i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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