we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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