I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog