Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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  (978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7
  Replies (33) Good night (2417) Bad night (1463)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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  (651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off. http://tfl.nu/d6pj
  Replies (188) Good night (723) Bad night (4709)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..

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  (613): You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon.. http://tfl.nu/gnh9
  Replies (16) Good night (710) Bad night (5169)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

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  (409): Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test. http://tfl.nu/4vmp
  Replies (25) Good night (1321) Bad night (4714)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.

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  (336): They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up. http://tfl.nu/5b65
  Replies (5) Good night (4156) Bad night (713)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list

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  (330): Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list http://tfl.nu/ucvs
  Replies (40) Good night (1543) Bad night (13976)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life

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  (860): I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life http://tfl.nu/l4zk
  Replies (37) Good night (6085) Bad night (1275)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.

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  (484): Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever. http://tfl.nu/sgnv
  Replies (9) Good night (4751) Bad night (828)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero

  (514): View more from Quebec

  like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride

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  (514): theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero (514): like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride http://tfl.nu/mbnj
  Replies (3) Good night (2137) Bad night (1200)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?

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  (814): Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me? http://tfl.nu/l0ft
  Replies (4) Good night (2474) Bad night (1396)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!

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  (781): I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!! http://tfl.nu/j0eq
  Replies (7) Good night (1711) Bad night (560)
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  (619): View more from California

  Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight

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  (619): Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight http://tfl.nu/2z23
  Replies (14) Good night (1789) Bad night (506)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.

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  (512): We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again. http://tfl.nu/4ffb
  Replies (8) Good night (555) Bad night (1185)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....

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  (+61): So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year.... http://tfl.nu/e6zr
  Replies (3) Good night (1412) Bad night (417)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes

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  (608): We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes http://tfl.nu/pi7l
  Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (252)

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