And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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