new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.