Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sarcasm needs its own font
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.