...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages