Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks

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  (413): At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks http://tfl.nu/fbkp
  Replies (15) Good night (935) Bad night (2802)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum

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  (647): I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum http://tfl.nu/wnzc
  Replies (32) Good night (803) Bad night (4078)
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  (510): View more from California

  I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

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  (510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82
  Replies (23) Good night (5335) Bad night (1199)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

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  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (1176) Bad night (4760)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party

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  (251): I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party http://tfl.nu/8yh5
  Replies (12) Good night (3908) Bad night (1253)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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  (512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now. http://tfl.nu/d3l4
  Replies (5) Good night (3205) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.

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  (610): Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other. http://tfl.nu/3et0
  Replies (6) Good night (3037) Bad night (1170)
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  (646): View more from New York

  HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.

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  (646): HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS. http://tfl.nu/gw0q
  Replies (21) Good night (3355) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.

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  (519): I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work. http://tfl.nu/8fuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (457)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I hugged the bouncer as we left.

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  (505): I hugged the bouncer as we left. http://tfl.nu/rbxh
  Replies (3) Good night (720) Bad night (392)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...

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  (717): You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat... http://tfl.nu/k4we
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (427)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater

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  (519): Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater http://tfl.nu/zmy8
  Replies (3) Good night (928) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.

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  (312): At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific. http://tfl.nu/evej
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?

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  (267): Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five? http://tfl.nu/q5fc
  Replies (0) Good night (564) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom

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  (708): To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/md1a
  Replies (0) Good night (208) Bad night (291)

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