Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes