Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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