That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
