i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
