..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
