im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
