So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
