Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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