I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Damn victory sex feels great
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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