Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize