i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
