Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
