What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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