I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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