there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?