Can i not drive my cunt home
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce