Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?