I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....