if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt