Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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