Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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