margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
