He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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