my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
