I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
