We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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