i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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