I got her a Nickelback box set.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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