Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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