roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
