So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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