i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
