I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
