Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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