no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
