so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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