Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
