i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my liver is dry heaving
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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