if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
