Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
