I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
