You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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