My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
