She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
