Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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