I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
