summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
