All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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