i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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