She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
